I am a giving person and a people pleaser. I feel a need to do it or I feel depressed .It's on pathological level.Holiday season,birthdays,anniversaries always bring an euphoria. Because I get to shop for others.I usually gift hand knitted items.It starts with a plan of what I would like to knit,what color,what kind of yarn,then go shopping,then pattern selection,start the project,finish it and gift it.The whole process brings me bursts of thrill, keeps me engaged, keeps me distracted from my bad memories.That is the only way I feel alive.