Are you seeing a therapist? It's good you've recognized the problem, and have resolve to fix it. I hope you can sort it out with a professional. If seeing a professional is out of the question, I hope you'll find a support group. Please don't kill yourself, things can get better someday somehow.

I'm new, so I haven't read back many posts, so maybe you already are. I hope everything is alright for you though. *hugs*

I'm sorry about your mother. Losing a parent is a very hard thing.

Don't cry when the sun's gone, cos tears won't allow you to see the stars.