Hey. Nah, I really do have trouble talking to my therapist sometimes. Not trouble talking exactly... But trouble talking about anything meaningful.

Today... I was so sure that he was going to ask me about why I found it so hard to talk. But... He didn't. I had a horrible couple of days this week and I sent him an email about how I really hated myself and felt like stabbing myself with a knife... He asked me how long that feeling lasted... And I told him what prompted me to feel that way and he said... Or he asked... Whether my hatred / rage at myself was like my mothers hatred / rage at me... And of course it was...

And he seemed to be inviting me to feel the feeling again. Of my mothers hatred and rage aimed at me... And maybe I kinda did a little... But I also felt mostly numb. And... Wanted to stay that way because I needed to go to a talk after seeing him and I wanted to be composed for that...

And that happened a couple times during the session. He seemed to be inviting me to feel something. And I kinda did... And he didn't force it. But he seemed to be inviting it. So maybe... That is his response to me really. That it isn't so much about what I tell him but what feeling I show him.

So I guess slip might well be onto something.

And I feel a lot happier now. Thinking that that is what we are up to now and sort of understanding how this is supposed to work... Understanding is important to me.

How are things for you, Dinah? Are things ticking along... Or is there some dissonance or... How is your therapy relationship going?