i'll be turning 30 this year, too. i thought i was okay about it... but i've started to notice some ambivalences.

i still feel 16 or 18 untill i meet people who are 16 or 18 and then i tend to feel 'yeah, i'm not 16 or 18 anymore'. i find it hard to remember back to being 16 or 18. i think... i'm a lot happier in my life now than i was then. so much that i was confused about at that age... what i wanted to do with my life career-wise... figuring out my views on sex and drugs and so on and so forth. i think... in many respects my life seems much simpler now. i wouldn't go back to being in highschool for worlds!

but i also feel a little sad that i didn't properly appreciate a lot about myself until it was gone. feel like my body is packing up etc. guess i never was particularly happy about it - but it has gotten worse since then!

i feel old... but i guess i've felt that way ever since people stopped reacting to me as 'very young'. i know that 30 isn't very old in the grand scheme of things... but i'm still in school and have no assets etc etc etc. sometimes i become kinda aware that living with a bunch of mostly single people aged between 20 and 34 is kinda cool... might think back on it as the 'happiest years of my life'. but really... i think i'll feel happier in 10 or so years lol. dunno... ambivalent...