Bluebird you’re very important to me personally and I suspect others on the forum. I’m sure your sister loves you. I know you have friends because you just went out the other day. People care about you. As far as God you probably need to separate the feelings you had in psychosis from the connection you have now. Some of us thought we were speaking with God directly but that may have been a hallucination, or you never know it could have been real. Thing is most people have to see God in life rather than communicate directly. So enjoying the taste of a fresh fruit and knowing everything that had to happen from seed to store to get you something that no human can create, sure we can cultivate but not make. Enjoying the wind on a fall day knowing No human controls that wind. Knowing how extremely rare life is in the universe and how extremely lucky we were to ever have a chance at at. Idk I’m no pastor/preacher but I think once you realize connecting with God is subtle, perhaps you’ll find him again?