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frustlandlady · Nov 22, 2019, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Britedark

Hi Frustlandlady! Sorry for misunderstanding what you meant. Some of the traits you mentioned in your post definitely sound like my parents. I will point out which. But I am no expert in psychology, I am just sharing my observations with you.

95% of the time he was talking about himself, expressing how important it is for him to feel great with a woman, to make him feel that special person he has never felt before. He said that I am a very sweet and caring person and he was expecting me to be that woman. He asked me a few typical things to get to know me better, like my interests and what I am doing in general without trying to know my opinion on different subjects.

This is typical narcissistic behaviour. In our house every conversation leads back to our parents and how they feel on various subjects. I think he was trying to condition you, to make you jump through the hoops to please him by living up to his expectations. This behaviour is typically narcissistic.

Meanwhile, I could not express any opinion on his life matters that he was talking about without being judged in an impolite way like "Is this all you have to say? I am telling you this and this and this and all you have to say is this?".

More conditioning. He is teaching you which reactions are acceptable to him and which aren't. We have literally grown up with these conditionings drilled into our heads. Any lapses on our part were severely punished.

Meanwhile, I was very cautious with this situation and he kept saying "I was expecting you to react in the X way, I was expecting you to tell me the X thing to show that you were thinking of me" etc etc pointing out a dozen of things that he wanted to here and I did not say.

You had started walking on eggshells already. This is a normal reaction to all abusive behaviour, not just narcissistic.

He even compared me with a supposed lady that made him feel super special when he was young.

This is classic, textbook narcissism. Comparing you to somebody (a) to make you feel bad about yourself and (b) to encourage you to try harder to please him. Great job dodging that bullet and asserting your own identity. A woman with lower self esteem might have fallen into that trap.

Some last details, both times he kept saying that he feels veeeeery sure about his opoinions, he kept saying that most of the things people do are of no importance and that he is sick of people's behaviors, that he has thought much of every detail of every life aspect and that what opinion he expresses is very serious and well thought.

Can we call this a grandiose sense of self? A belief that he is special and can only be understood by other special people? That in fact, if you can understand him you should consider it a privilege? That's the sort of idea a narcissist will try to give you.

But the thing that feared me the most was when he was talking about how he sees life and and how much he needs to feel strong emotions, he was getting waay too passionate, he was raising his voice level, like something was torturing his soul and wanted to scream it out...

This bit sounds more histrionic than narcissistic. My mother has a high amount of both traits (NPD with high level histrionic) and this sounds more like her than my dad.

At work he is very king, never offends anyone, he is very responsible and always willing to help everyone. But on the other hand he is constantly asking people to tell him what features he has that make him more special than other people...

The politeness could be genuine or it could be a mask. Like I said my parents are experts at duping people into believing they are kind, sweet, angelic..you name it. Nobody ever believed my sister or me when we told them what horrible upbringing we had. It is only in private that they show their true colours.

Having said all that, only a qualified person can accurately diagnose this guy. You sensed something off about him and I agree that there were plenty of red flags. Hope my response helped?

I am really shocked...

...

Thanks everyone for the opinions. It has been almost 10 days and I did not call or text him back. I hope I made the right desicion...