Purpose
I'm not searching for a label. I definitely don't want sympathy, and I'll likely take any judgements offered with a pinch of salt — if you don't mind, that is.

All abuse will be reported — that's a promise.

That out of the way, after twenty years of not understanding, repeatedly telling myself ignorance is bliss, that without understanding their can't be healing, attempting to resolve, failing, ensuing depression, anxieties (social being perhaps the most crippling of the range having set about me over the years), and generally all round '******ness', I'm now exploring this forum.

I arrive here almost completely without prior knowledge of this site; yet with a new sense of hope and a degree of trepidation as to what I might find, increasingly desperate for some clue or other which might illuminate the path to possible answers.

Context
I'm forty-five, married—and while not especially happily, it is at least amicable—three great kids, reasonable health, fitness and looks, a good job, house, and a fancy car. All in all not bad, if I do say so myself.

Issue
Sexually, I have always gotten my kicks from good-looking, slim, often older women and, here it is, men; more specifically and most importantly, men not necessarily good-looking or effeminate, dressed, not always convincingly, as women.

I've enjoyed countless sexual liaisons with men dressed as women, each limited in frequency to single sessions. I've never met a man not dressed as a women for sex.

Without question being at seriously unhealthy proportions, my porn viewing is almost exclusively trans, occasionally straight, very infrequently gay. A reasonable estimate of the ratio would be 95:4:1. I watch porn every day without fail, often for several hours.

Marriage
After 23 years together we remain good friends, but have zero interest in each other sexually. I could only ever get hard with her when thinking of another, often a man dressed as a women. We live together, we dine together, with share a life together; we sleep apart.

Question
How is it that I can feel 100% straight, fancy the panties off good-looking women, stare longingly and full of lust at sexy ladies I see on the street, at the beach, in the gym and on television; yet at the same time (not concurrently) experience a seemingly limitless desire to meet and have sex with men dressed as women.

I have performed full sex with lots of men. Unsure of its being relevant, I've done everything with men sexually. I'll spare your blushes, but there can't be much on the list of sexual acts and depravities that I haven't 'enjoyed' with a man.

I don't associate myself as being gay; nor do I see myself as being bisexual. You see, I don't fancy men. The attraction is only every present if a man is dressed as a woman. I have never wanted anything more than sex with a man dressed as women. After the act has finished there is nothing remaining other than satisfaction — like having eaten a good meal on an empty stomach. Finally, and no offence meant, but I have very limited tolerance for overtly camp men, and the gay scene is wonderful but isn't and never will be mine.

Request
Any help, guidance or constructive feedback will be gratefully accepted.