Quote:
Originally Posted by bluebicycle
Well, my therapy appointment turned into a huge, long rant about my sister, so I kinda feel like I wasted my appointment slot when I could have talked about other, more pressing things, but I also kinda feel like I needed to "let it out" to someone.
Long story short, I told my therapist about how my sister is VERY manipulative, VERY entitled, VERY controlling, and VERY uncompromising with everything (because everything has to be "her" way and ONLY her way). She basically does this fake crying thing when she doesn't get her way, and then says how everything is "unfair" to her when she has to compromise... because she is manipulative and wants to play victim. And then she uses my mom's' credit cards to buy whatever she wants because she doesn't want to spend her own money on things, even though she has money in the bank. Then she has the audacity to b_tch at me for how I spend my own money, even though I rarely buy things. So, I told my therapist that my mom is enabling her by giving in to what she wants and letting her use the credit card w/ no consequences. I said I wouldn't be surprised if my sister went bankrupt shortly after graduating from college, and that I will NOT be lending her any money when that happens.
Also, my sister is the kinda person who b_tches about free stuff. Like if she gets a Christmas gift that she doesn't want, she'll b_tch about it. For example, she'll SAY she wants a very specific thing for Christmas and we get it for her as a surprise, and then when it "goes out of fashion" (according to her...), she acts like she never wanted it, saying, "Ewwwwww. Why did you get this for me? I never said I wanted it." (Yes, she says "ewwwww.") She'll also return all her gifts and demand us to give her the cash instead (since the money goes back onto our credit cards after she returns the items). And she doesn't ask for cheap gifts, either. They're typically REALLY expensive. And of course, after we get her like a $400 gift, she'll give all of us like a candy cane and a gift worth $5.... specifically, a gift bought USING MY MOM'S MONEY, not even hers!! I know she doesn't have to give a gift if she doesn't want, but it's pretty insulting to spend lots of money on her and then she pretends she doesn't like it and then demands money. I hope I don't sound entitled or having high standards, but she knows we're giving her expensive stuff, so I don't see why she can't at least partially reciprocate by spending more than a measly $5 and doing more than just taking a free candy canes from work and giving them to us.
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You have been extremely patient with this. I am very sorry you must endure this. I do know, from our many exchanges, that you have continued to do your best to be a thoughtful, concerned, loving sister. You have so often been very thoughtful in trying to give her something she would not reject.
You deserve so much more!
We've talked about how one of my sisters often gives me a very inexpensive gift. It's usually a reminder of something we both recall as in important time, an important theme or just any time we have shared. The gift is always under $20. at most. I do the same for her. We both end up with very meaningful exchanges, meaningful on every level. I know you are this thoughtful and would like a similar arrangement with your sister.
It may be that your parents have tried to work with your sister and she's not cooperative at all. I've shared with you that I have another sister who has been very difficult, very entitled..and just impossible. She often cause trouble on holiday celebrations, etc. I do understand to some degree.
I wish I had you as a sister. I know your heart, your intentions are pure and you long for the same in a sisterly relationship. I wish your sister could "wake up" and fully realize how incredibly lucky she is to have you as a sister and to have you in her life.
I hope there will be change and healing in your relationship with your sister, Blue.. Either way, it's important you see yourself as you are: patient, thoughtful, loving, forgiving, caring, intelligent and just all around amazing!
I see you as beautiful inside and out! You have so very many wonderful attributes. I am sorry your sister is, at least at this time, so seriously afflicted that she just cannot be there for you in a healthy way.
You must do whatever you feel led to do. I'd encourage you to do less and maybe make it more about something sentimental, or maybe skip it all together, according to your own heart .
If you give, give in a way that shows who you are, despite her demands/expectations. You've been unable to please her or to get any appreciation. Giving according to who you are and how you feel, might also mean not giving in an overly materialistic manner. You can decide not to give her a $400. gift. Be true to yourself!
It's great that you have been able to share more about this ongoing issue with your sister in therapy and here.
I am always here for you!
I know I am very blessed to have you in my life!
Love ya!
