noleafclover,

i think you're entitled and need those feelings whatever they may be. maybe since he's passed, you see his goodness? i just don't know.

i'm sorry i can't relate. my sexual abuser was my older brother who has hurt others and has been mean in his adult life. no, there is no love there for him. i do understand a bit more thru t, and realizing why he hated me so much because of the hardships he went through. but, no, i do not love him or anything about him. he's still mean.

maybe that's why you're able to feel the love? maybe he was good in other areas that you choose to now remember and appreciate? if so, i think that's great and am kinda envious.

good luck hon.

kd