Reading your posts feels like riding a roller coaster. I don't even know you, but I find it stressful just to read, so I can't imagine how stressful it must be for you to deal with these feelings day in and day out. It's okay to have these feelings, but I feel like you're only causing yourself more stress when you react based on these feelings. It seems like your feeling inevitably changes, so is there something you can do to delay acting on your feelings? It may not help with the initial feeling, but it would reduce the further harm caused by your reaction to the feeling. I'm not personally a big fan of DBT, but I think some of the skills they teach might address this and might be something you could look up online.

You only have a few more days until your session. I'm sure your T is looking forward to catching up after his break. I hope you don't cancel your session, because that will only cause you more stress in the long run.