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Originally Posted by bpcyclist
Well. was able to get outside in the 34ish degree stuff early and work out. A bit dicey in spots, as there was not ice, but a lot of slippery frost. Oh well, that time of year.
Have to remember I am still generally on an upward trajectory. Had a problem at bedtime last night where, suddenly, while on my side, I realized there was a man with a huge knife outside my room, preparing to kill me. Hyperventilating, terror, out of control. Got on my back, so I could defend myself. Finally, fell back to what I always am left with in these situations--prayer and breathing. That's all I could do.
So, I did it. And somehow, I got myself under control and actually fell asleep. What I just do not understand is how I can go from being totally fine one minute, to being completely out of control and out of my mind, the next. What do we even call that? I dunno.
No psychosis so far today. Got a nice gift card from the owner of my favorite pizza place, which was cheery. I found some pieces of metal in a slice a couple of days ago. I think they were shocked I didn't want to sue them, this being America. But then I briefly mentioned what I used to do for a living and it sort of became clear...
Not yet in a position to be providing feedback to anyone, sorry. Just trying to steadily improve, if possible. I want to again thank everyone who has been so kind and generous and helpful while I have been dealing with all this mess. Fern, WC, Blue--everyone. So incredibly grateful for you all.
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That's awesome you made it outside. I imagine the fresh air and activity served you well. It's great to see that you're back to doing the things you love!
Psychosis is such a tricky monster. It seems to serve up the same old tired lie over and over except it is smart and changes its mask every time. You were smart to just breathe and pray. You are so much more than your mind. Your strength comes from so many other places.
You are on a forward trajectory. You're even picking up momentum. Thanks so much for sharing your story. Your honesty serves the group, so stop feeling like you aren't helping, ok? It helps for people to see you struggle and try different things to overcome it. It helps people to see your strength of spirit.
That's cool the pizza owner offered to help make it right after your experience. I sucked up a dead roach out of my water cup at my favorite Mexican restaurant a few months ago. I didn't sue either. I didn't write a bad review because they made an effort to make it right, but I still get uncomfortable at restaurants. I've been smuggling in my own water ever since
