((Sanada)), your drinking and drugging was your escape. When a person finally gets sober they have to face a lot and MANY find they were drinking to deal with ptsd unknowingly. You can't even begin to heal until you stop drinking and that's only the very first step, the rest of it is slowly finally facing whatever realities about your life you had tried to escape from by drinking.

Often individuals who go to AA meetings end up finally experiencing others who like them struggle and they gradually FINALLY experience companionship with others who understand the challenge. They must have AA meetings where you live, if so you should consider attending and you don't have to talk right away either, many just go and sit and listen. People from all walks of life can be found in these meetings, it's actually pretty surprising. It ends up where that no longer matters too, as it's all about learning how to live your life one day at a time "sober" and to finally grow as a person.

(((Hugs)))
You are welcome to share as needed here Sanada.