Was that somewhat directed at me?

I am in an emotionally, sometimes verbally, and even sometimes physically abusive relationship with my H. I may not label it as such here, but I am definitely not in denial and will call it what it is. I have even told my H that he's abusive, but of course he denies it.

I hear you and your story. I know I can easily wind up in a similar situation as you did. I do not want that. I do feel trapped. I haven't ever held down a full-time job. And even my disability reevaluation said that I was too disabled to work. And SSI isn't enough to get by.

In about 2 years time, we'll run out of money if H doesn't get a job. I have two options at that point: fight or die. I'm leaning towards the second because I do not see an out for me. I was homeless at 18. I refuse to go back there. If I will lose everything (by everything I specifically mean my dogs and my Ts and a roof over my head), I give up. ALL my supports know this (well, not my sister and mom). My PCP, Pdoc, T, L, my dad, and my H all know this. It's one of the reasons my Pdoc has been pushing me to go back to school, so I might be able to take care of myself come that time. But I'm not there yet. I'm just struggling with the idea that I'm actually going back to college.

I'm sorry if my post triggered you. I don't have very many places/people to talk to about it. My family doesn't want to hear it. My dad sees and hears it, but goes in his bedroom to avoid it. He says it's not his problem. I do have L (and T). They listen. But I only can have so much contact with them. I know that a lot of my posts are about it, but I try not to post it all the time.

The end of it is that yes my H is abusive. Yes I am choosing to stay with him because I am trapped (for now). But that doesn't mean I want it, like it, or am in denial.