My wife has said the same thing about me. She too has gain weight over the 10 yrs of our marriage and felt that she was fat and ugly and unwanted and unloved and unappreciated and fat and fat and fat. She wants to know what is going on in my head, why I don't talk to her, why I don't express how I feel, why I don't call her beautiful. She wants to know what is it that she did wrong. At least tell her something so she knows something.
I had no answer really. I searched my head, heart and spirit. I have failed when it came to birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Mother's Day and Valentine's. Gifts, presents, thoughtful things like that on those day, nope...I screwed them up. But like your husband, there were those moments when it seemed like a dream. I was cooking her breakfast, lunch, dinner. I let her sleep and took care of the kids. I paid the bills, delt with creditors when she normally did. Cleaned the kitchen, washed clothes, and other little things. It was not to be nice, it was because I love her. We don't, and will never always get it right, but when we do, jump on it. Receive it and hold on to it. Encourage him when he does and maybe, just maybe he will say it. That positive reinforcement that they talk about in psychology. I don't know him, but for a man to do all of that for his wife, there is love there, despite the absence of words and sometimes deeds. We are odd that way for some reason. Smile today please. You can do it.....stay golden