Hope, I know your life is difficult. I hope you did not think I was down playing your troubles. It is tough to be all alone. I am an only child and I only have my mother still alive. Unfortunately, she was one of my tormentors as a kid (still is actually) so she is no help. It can be scary to be all alone. That is why I was trying to give you some suggestions to make your life a bit easier. I also understand the SUI thoughts. I have been that way as well since I was about 8 years old. It is a constant in my mind.

Taking care of your siblings must be very hard. Don't forget to take care of yourself first. Like they always say on a plane, put the air mask on yourself first then your child. Remember, if you don't take care of yourself first, you will not be able to take care of our siblings. I am trying hard with this concept regarding my work. I do nothing but work and sleep. I try to tell myself that I must take care of myself first if I want to be able to do any quality work. Taking care of yourself also helps reduce your depression. It is not easy and a daily struggle. I try to take baby steps. Be kind to yourself and keep telling yourself that you can do it. Only one more day.