It seems like your primary role here is to set and enforce your own boundaries, and take care of yourself, take care with enmeshment and boundaries. It is sometimes hard to evaluate one’s own psychologist, but that of an ex residing in a different country? You have no way of knowing. It seems like you care and don’t want to turn your back, but you don’t want your space invaded. It also seems like it is important to be “right” that she has full blown BPD.