Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Laura
Hey guys, sorry I have been AWAL for a month. I really wasn't doing too good. The depression was really tough and I was massively struggling. I eventually got my meds albeit the wrong dosage. I'm only on 10mg x 4 times a day of Propanol. They make me so sleepy. I'm feeling after a month and a half I'm more optimistic.
I still have the letters I wrote to my family incase I attempted suicide. I can't get rid of them even though everyone wants them gone.
I was seeing my CPN and community worker weekly. I'm now seeing my CPN fortnightly. So I'm improving. Everyone says I'm brighter.
I think going away at the start of November helped I was in a lodge with a hot tub on the west coast of Scotland. It was gorgeous chilly and dark.
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Hi Laura!
So happpy to see you again!
It sounds like you have made a lot of progress.
I am very happy for you!
About those letters, it's always a good idea to destroy them. This way, if you are feeling suicidal again, you would have to take the time to rewrite them and during that time, you might change your thinking somewhat.
I once wrote a letter like the ones you have mentioned. Just writing the letter helped me to feel more connected to the people I had addressed in the letter.
As you know, Bipolar illness is cyclical. It is likely that you and I will get depressed again and might feel suicidal. So, one of the strategies to help us to stay safe is to set up"barriers" to actually taking action. We then agree we must make it over all of the barriers before taking any action. Writing the letters might be one of the barriers/hurdles you set up for yourself?
Will you shred the letters or burn them? Or do you have another way to destroy them?
You know what I would do? I would write some affirmations or some reasons to live. I would take the letters to a safe place for burning. I would state my reasons for living and burn the letters or do a similar ceremony, affirming my decision to live. I like to do things like this! Do you?
It's truly great to see you.. I am glad you have made it out of the dark abyss of depression..
