I think this is the challenge of object constancy/ emotional constancy. I struggle with that too, but only in therapy. It is the inability to hold someone in mind and believe you are held in their mind, so elements or doubt and fear creep in where other people take for granted all is well unless told otherwise. I’m sorry for your pain, Hope. It is very real. Literal object constancy is a task of babyhood, but metaphorically the lack of it makes every relationship seem fragile and at risk without any concrete reason.