My wife told me in August that she wanted to leave me. I, too, was shocked. I didn't think things were that bad. However, I'm one of the blessed and fortunate ones and I was able to convince her to give another chance to our 25 year relationship.

Here's what I've learned. If you're just ready to move on with life then skip the following. Regardless, I'm truly sorry this happened to you and I'll send positive feelings in your direction.

• Perception and reality are two very different things. While in my reality I didn't think I did anything to traumatize her, in her perception and her reality I did. Some of the issues she had with me were very hurtful to me. However, that didn't matter because they were important to her. I embraced every one of them.
• We created a shared journal where she wrote her feelings and I wrote mine. Issues and problems were discussed, and discussed very frankly. She already had decided to leave me once. We had nothing to lose with the sharing of brutally honest communication. Amazingly we found that by being brutally honest with each other it afforded us both the chance to repair our relationship because we finally knew what the other person was truly thinking. A lot hurt me. A lot hurt her. But we could finally talk about it.
• Don't give up
• Keep communication going from the second you are told that your spouse wants a separation until some sort of resolution happens
• Don't plead, beg, cry a lot, etc. Be rational.
• Find a person of the opposite sex who can help you better understand points of view
• Make sure to talk to people who are both married and divorced for advice
• Write down your thoughts and share this writing with your spouse and ask them to respond. Then talk about the writings. By writing stuff down it gets you to really think about what you're saying and organize your thoughts, all while making it so you're not reacting in the moment.
• If the only reason you're trying to stay in the relationship is because you can't bear to think about being apart from your spouse, then you need to find more reasons to stay in the relationship. Your spouse will rarely accept that as a reason. In my case, I recognized that I will become a better person now that she's identified some of my character flaws, and that by becoming a better person we'll be able to enjoy our relationship more.
• SEE A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, BUT MAKE SURE THEY HELP NOT HURT. Our counselor is AWESOME. However, one of the counselors we saw before we picked this one several years ago told my wife and I that I was a jerk and she would be better to leave me. Not all counselors are built the same. You may have to try a few.