I could probably put this in any forum, not sure so hear it is. I was writing a post on this earlier when I was paged. I had stopped to see a dying client at the end of my day. He died tonight. So I went out and lost my post. It started with my agitation over work and how T and I discussed the roots. Feelings of powerlessness and not trusting SYSTEMS. Came by it early in life and it is interfering with me professionally. It is hard for me to see people suffering uneccessarily. I have seen that a bit lately and I feel powerless to change it. I am not a medical professional but what I saw with this man who died and lack of what I consider common sense medical treatment caused him pain and suffering. I could have, if I had the power, helped him a lot sooner then he was helped. He died peacefully at home tonight so all is well there. My point is that I am carrying the anxiety, the anger from my own powerlessness to my work and I get hurt by it. I need to find ways to accept that I don't have the power to help everyone and that life just stinks sometimes. I have a need to follow through and make sure people are getting the best care possible and are treated lovingly and with respect. And tonight I went because I wanted, no, needed the spouse to feel supported. I went so I could make sure his body was handled with respect as he was prepared and taken by the funeral home. I went because I wanted to make it as okay as possible for the family. I care. It is as though by accepting the suffering of others that I am saying that my suffering was/is okay. I know that is not true but how do I come to terms with the fact that I can't make everything okay? That some people don't care, that people still suffer needlessly? I need to work this out or I can't keep working like this. I must learn to rest and eat and relax between clients. I must share the responsibility more by discussions with supers and peers. I don't know if this makes any sense as it is very late and I am exhausted. I am not trying to RESCUE anyone, but i am struggling with the fact that I can't make basic changes sometimes. it is politically complicated. Minefield if you mis-step. But I need to heal and get through this so I can keep my job of 16 years and still be affective at it. Any suggestions?