I wasn't totally sure what I'd talk about in today's session. Then I mentioned how stressed I am about the holidays (both Thanksgiving and Christmas), T asked what made them so stressful, and it was like the floodgates opened. Literally, as in I was sobbing at some points so hard I couldn't speak. then kept apologizing for that. Then would be like, "Why am I apologizing? I know it's OK to cry in here. I mean, you have a box of tissues right here for a reason." We talked some about my late grandmother, how I associate her with Christmas, how some of it may be about that. I'd come across a photo of her and I from about 10 years ago (at Christmas) the other day and had saved it to my phone, so I shared it with Dr. T. He seemed to look at it for a long time (may have been trying to adjust to seeing me with short hair...) And talked some about how I felt as a kid at Christmas and how I think back to that now. I said that seemed to be part of it. Also about expectations. Both then and now, with D. Not wanting to disappoint people. Feeling I had to put on a happy face.

ETA: He said how I need to remember I'm not responsible for other people's feelings.