Another survivor here, although I am male and my abuser, my ex, is female.

I am glad you felt better this morning. Sleep can really help.

There is no benefit for you in trying to go through why you were with him in the past. That's wasted precious energy. You need to focus on the future. A future without this loser of a human having any role in your life other than that required by the law as father of your kid(s). Other than that, zero contact. None. Let him spew his hatred and venom on one of those terrific girls he had at the house the other day.

There are good men out there who are interested in more than sex. My problem, believe it or not, is the same as yours. I meet plenty of women, but all they seem interested in is sex. And that's not what I'm looking for. So, you are not alone.

Forward march. He is in your rearview mirror. Get used to it. Boundaries. Hang up if you must. This jerk of a person has not earned any manners from you. Time to focus on you and being the best mother you can be. Which includes ditching this punk.

Sending you positive vibes and prayers. You can do it. If you want a man, there will be a man. If you don't, that's fine, too. You can do it. You are strong. Now, onward!!