Dear GlassCloud, You are obviously going through an extremely difficult time. I have been where you are, so it feels painful to me to realize what you're feeling. Not trusting, feeling trapped, having unbearable sensations, & having traumas taking their toll on you mentally, physically, & emotionally. I see you don't post much. Many of us can identify with you. As many have said on various posts, you are not alone. Panic, anxiety, depression, various kinds of pain, etc. are wounds that can heal in time. We can help each other. I hope you will feel like one of us & less alone. God bless you! I said a prayer for you. Lots of hugs to you!!