After all the years of struggling with severe anhedonia, many things have happened since then. I believe it was caused by environment factors (But your dad has schizophrenia.. On the other hand, don't give up. I didn't give up. I kept researching constantly trying to find everything under the sun that would make me better - 50 different chemicals, spirituality, life experiences, support from friends and family - It's all needed) so it can be fixed by environmental factors. I didn't realize that it was environmental factors and of course it was genetics too and/because why didn't it happen to anyone else with the same environmental factors? What I know is that most people in Ireland seemed to be a "feeling" type of personality. I was molded into "thinking". Probably that has nothing to do with anything but I'm good at piecing all of these things together as time goes on.. The more you know and with creativity, I can explain it better.

Think about your whole life constantly and try to remember things that happened. Use the "windows" of anhedonia to think about the past and feel those emotions - All the imagery of pictures in your mind (Which I find to be a form of controlled hallucinating). It was my thing to try and figure it out (Even though I still get anhedonia when I withdraw from phenibut). But what I've noticed is that - By feeling that way (By having a lack of feeling), it's ok. I always hope that it will get better. You see why people with bipolar don't realize that they're depressed when they're in depression and some of them end up committing suicide. The brain in the current state says "I'm gonna be like this forever". That's how bad trips happen.

Psychedelic trips last for 6-12 hours and I've felt the most euphoric possible and the most dysphoric as completely possible. Nothing could feel as good and as bad as those trips. I don't recommend it. I really don't (Only when there's research and clinics where you can walk in, have a guided trip and then walk out looking at the flowers at the front door..). I'm not really afraid of pain anymore. I'm ready for complete hell because at least it's "feeling something". Not many people would say that if they haven't been through anhedonia. It could have been from my depression and not schizophrenia which was likely. Sometimes depression means not feeling anything at all.. Instead of those melancholy type sadness that people get to be able to write good songs, poems, art, make good music.

Anhedonia is really one of the worst things. I would hate to feel anxiety or dissociation but that basically means that I'm not "all there". What I mean is to be fully there.. Not feeling anything. I was always afraid of what people think of me when I'm in a bad state but the best thing to do is talk about it with people that don't judge and have acceptance. Being in anxiety states, pain or not feeling anything - You have to have some sort of hope - Otherwise, what's the point? You let what it could be become non-existent in exchange for giving up.

You're doing a lot of things. Working, writing your books, studying philosophy (Interesting thinkings), having time to relax with a beer or so, finding a partner, etc etc... It's all crazy stuff when you really think about it.. You have a dying passion for life from that crystalized mindset of what it used to be nonetheless and that will get you through it. That's all you need =]