I'm trying to pack my days with activities: doing a part time job, painting, playing music, translating literature (I've been dreaming of this for a while and took this up recently to avoid having nothing at hand), ...

But inevitably, every day has its moments when you slow down: when you wake up, take a shower, have to go to the bathroom, when you eat, when you're on the way to work, when you go to sleep.

I've started watching all sorts of videos while eating, I've stopped cooking and am now on a diet of bread, cheese and some vegetables. I'm taking my computer to the toilet just to make sure I keep busy.

In a way it feels as if I am exhausting myself. On the other hand, whenever I slow down, my demons strike back harder than ever. It feels as if the more active I become, the harder they hit me. Starting the day and ending it are particularly difficult. And the inactivity involved in these moments seems inevitable. It seems crucial to find a way either to not have to slow down or to handle my thoughts when I have to.