This is heartbreaking. You are feeling suicidal because you are powerless. It is the only thing you have control of right now because you are being abused. Sometimes the idea of death feels better than our current situation but your situation will not last forever. Remember, that none of this is your fault despite what you have been told. You would not feel this way if you had not been treated this way with no way to defend yourself for a very long time. I am sorry your mother did not have the courage to properly defend you. She's knows deep down inside that you are being abused (and she is being abused too)--this may be one reason she cries. Sadly, she will pay a price for not standing up for you. You can be proud that you have tried to defend her but you are in a no win situation. You mother is the adult and since she is not being a good ally, I recommend just laying low. When you have the urge to defend her, try to remember that your help will not "help" until she finds her own courage. Resist feeling responsible for your parents. They have not earned that.

I am not sure what social services are available to you in India. Are there school counselors you can talk to? You are in a dangerous situation and need to figure out how to save yourself. You need help from someone outside of your family. You current family situation is damaging your mind, body and spirit. I will pray for you. Try not to give up hope. You are brave, intelligent and compassionate but are being abused. While you formulate a plan to escape, lay low, say little, stay out of the line of fire. Stay safe. You can figure this out. Are you an adult yet?

I am glad you are writing about it here. This can be a safe place to get things out and a good place to get advice. Please remember you are not a liar, cheat or any other names you have been called though sometimes people in your situation are forced to lie in order to not face the wrath of terrible people. You are in a no win situation. Try not to believe what he told you. You are a wonderful person facing a sick, sick individual. That sickness is also effecting your mom. I am sorry you are alone. Praying for you.