Quote:
Originally Posted by TunedOut
This is heartbreaking. You are feeling suicidal because you are powerless. It is the only thing you have control of right now because you are being abused. Sometimes the idea of death feels better than our current situation but your situation will not last forever. Remember, that none of this is your fault despite what you have been told. You would not feel this way if you had not been treated this way with no way to defend yourself for a very long time. I am sorry your mother did not have the courage to properly defend you. She's knows deep down inside that you are being abused (and she is being abused too)--this may be one reason she cries. Sadly, she will pay a price for not standing up for you. You can be proud that you have tried to defend her but you are in a no win situation. You mother is the adult and since she is not being a good ally, I recommend just laying low. When you have the urge to defend her, try to remember that your help will not "help" until she finds her own courage. Resist feeling responsible for your parents. They have not earned that.
I am not sure what social services are available to you in India. Are there school counselors you can talk to? You are in a dangerous situation and need to figure out how to save yourself. You need help from someone outside of your family. You current family situation is damaging your mind, body and spirit. I will pray for you. Try not to give up hope. You are brave, intelligent and compassionate but are being abused. While you formulate a plan to escape, lay low, say little, stay out of the line of fire. Stay safe. You can figure this out. Are you an adult yet?
I am glad you are writing about it here. This can be a safe place to get things out and a good place to get advice. Please remember you are not a liar, cheat or any other names you have been called though sometimes people in your situation are forced to lie in order to not face the wrath of terrible people. You are in a no win situation. Try not to believe what he told you. You are a wonderful person facing a sick, sick individual. That sickness is also effecting your mom. I am sorry you are alone. Praying for you.   |
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. You have no idea how much I've been dying just for some kind words. Thank you so much .
And to be honest I can't get the idea of suicide put of my mind. It just sounds like the only way I could be happy. But there's a part of me that still thinks things could turn around somehow and I'm trying to hold on to that thought.
As for the counselor thing, i do want to talk to my school counselor but i just feel terrified that she won't believe me or that she'll tell my parents or something. I did confide on a counsellor who was actually my father's friend and she told my father everything and the consequences were....bad. But i do want to just take a chance and let it all out because that will probably atleast give me some relief.
Anyway thank you again for reaching out because i needed it and you're an amazing person