TOMI: There might be another perspective also. You don't know what your friend has undergone, if she might have been physically or emotionally devastated in some way. If I were your friend, I wouldn't want someone "managing" me, asking others about me, instead of speaking directly to me. The worse I felt, and the more problems I had, the more I would need to be treated with respect. One of my "being treated like furniture" memories is an alleged therapy session involving my then husband and myself. The T looked right past me, directly at my husband, and said: "She's very immature, isn't she?"

Are you assuming that her family is capable of being honest about the situation, that they know better than she does what is good for her wellbeing, that they are more truthful than she is, and that they played no part in creating the situation themselves? Those may be unwarranted assumptions. From personal experience I know that's not always the case. I really feel for your friend.

And if a person IS physically and/or mentally ill, I think it's very important that nothing is done to give the impression that friends or family are ganging up against that person.

Adieu