Hi. This is an issue I no longer deal with, but I want to know if I was suffering from delusions in middle school.
A few years ago, I had my first (potentially second, but first major) episode of depression. It was awful- I was in constant anguish, crying myself to sleep, thinking I was a burden on everyone, stopped doing almost all schoolwork, argued frequently with my dad/ was irritable, woke up wishing I hadn't, and had su!c!d@l thoughts, and all of that.
But I'm wondering if I also suffered from delusions/psychosis. My dad and I had a relationship strain because of my mental health. I was doing and saying crazy things that Iam embarassed to have done now. My thoughts were so distorted, and I was not myself at all. I hated EVERYONE, called them "sheep", etc. My "delusions", if that's what they were, were:
Thinking that I had a "psychic connection" to my mother (whom I haven't seen since I was little), like that she was psychically sending messages to me that she was dead, or that she missed me.
I also thought that other people in my class (only the boys, strangely) could read my mind. I had to monitor my thoughts constantly to make sure I wasn't thinking anything embarassing, gross, or otherwise "judge-able" (lack of better term). This is actually something that began in 6th grade. If I thought something about a boy in my class I would get paranoid that he heard what I said psychically.
Last, I had a selusion of suffering from a condition I wasn't. I thought I had a speech impediment; I've never had one at all.
I kept most of these delusions to myself- I told no one that I thought people could read my mind or that I thought I had a cosmic psychic connection to my estranged mother, but I told people about the speech impediment one.
I no longer suffer from these thoughts, but do you think I was delusional/psychotic?
I was pretty crazy back then. It wasn't my first battle with mental health issues but it was definitely my worst.
Thank you for listening, sorry for rambling.