My t and I talked about my defenses and I what to understand why I have to be so guarded! He likened the internal unknown to the conscious me of a castle with a large body of water and me trying to swim but not finding the gate or bridge. It's a good analogy!

And that was Friday! and I'm still thinking what will it take to break down the walls or find the bridge. And also get through the guards. Work got cancelled today and that led me to not do much.

Which leads to disasters.

I need to get active but I'm sitting down and thinking. I don't know where I go! I have projects and goals but find myself going back to where I was, but hopefully I can keep myself afloat. There is so much fear in me.