Can't seem to get out of this depressed head space I'm in. I'm trying so hard but it is so heavy. I see T tomorrow. I don't know if it is even going to help. My head is telling me that no one cares, even though I know for a fact that isn't true. I'm afraid to reach out to friends IRL because I reached out to them yesterday. And one of them called me this morning to make sure I hadn't SH-ed which I didn't, and she was so relieved. I forget that other people think it's a big deal. TBH I don't know why I haven't SH-ed except maybe I don't want to have to explain it to Regular T or Pastor T. I'm struggling so much right now but I can't seem to get myself to feel a little bit better. Work is slow too which is not helping. And I don't want to talk to my coworker too much about my depression because then it makes me the employee that is a "freak" and I don't want to go there. But it's like I'm screaming on the inside but no one can hear. I don't know if I can even explain this to T tomorrow. I just want to walk in there and be like, but realistically I don't see myself being that way. I'll probably slowly get around to it. Ugh. My brain hurts. It feels like my brain is trying to kill me. I so want to go home (I'm currently at work) and just sleep. But I have communion tonight and it's at my house (my Dad is an elder and so the two elders are hosting Thanksgiving communion tonight at their homes) so it's not like I can escape it. It might be good for me. But I really just want to go to bed until I have to get up for work in the morning. Even then I don't want to get up, but I have to. Sorry for whining. I just needed to get this off of my chest. HUGS Kit