I actually revisited a post from April where I was asking about why I couldn't really connect to the "nice guy..."

Well, we went out for a few more months, but I ended up breaking it off in July, and I felt really badly about it. I could tell that he was devastated (he said he was planning on proposing... I'm SO glad he didn't), but I could not force myself to feel the same way he felt.

Of course, there's more. During the last month of my relationship with "nice guy" I went to a training class for work and met the "spark guy". We had so much in common and had the best conversation during the class outing the first night of class, but when he asked me for my number at the end of class I told him that I couldn't because I was in a relationship. We did settle on connecting on LinkedIn.

Life went on. Spark Guy and I communicated through LInkedIn, but I kept it professional. However, I knew that I liked him, and I started to feel guilty about it. Besides, things with Nice Guy continued to fizzle, and after a visit to his hometown during the 4th of July weekend, I knew it was time to end it.

I kept things at professional LInkedIn level with spark guy until the end of the summer. I found that I looked forward to his emails every day and decided to upgrade to phone calls / texting in late August, and we went out for the first time in mid September.

Every conversation has been insightful. He seems very transparent (even being honest about why his marriage didn't work -- he cheated -- which makes me nervous), we GET each other... laugh at the same jokes and can talk for HOURS, but we don't live in the same state (something else that makes me nervous).

As we continued to get to know each other, I had a friend of mine (police officer) run a background check on Spark Guy and found no red flags that he didn't already disclose. His divorce paperwork lined up with the timeline he gave me. He seemed to be a decent guy,

He patiently waited until I was ready to take things to a physical level,,, and that's even AMAZING

...but around October he started inviting me to visit him at his home in another state. and I started getting REALLY nervous. I told him I'm not ready for that, and he's been really respectful and not pressed the issue. He even set expectations for the pending holidays and communication with the ex about the kids since I've shared my trust issues with him (who knows that's going on when we're not in each other's presence, right?).

He, did, however share that wanted me to consider meeting his children ... NEXT YEAR!!!!! I literally felt my throat close a little. Now I'm starting to pick him apart just like the other guy. It's like I'm looking for a reason to get out now that he wants to get closer. I've started having irrational thoughts like "If he cheated on his wife, he'll probably cheat on me..." and anything else I can think of to detach.

This is bad right? Good Guy... Bad Guy... when men want to "attach", I start running... what's wrong with me?