Hope, let me start by saying I do not mean to be mean by anything I say here but I am merely speaking the facts as I see them. That is one of my issues, my job is that of an analyst and I do not sugar coat things. Please take what I say with a grain of salt and ignore as you see fit. If you really want to cancel why not tell you T in person at your next session so you can discuss the reason behind your desire. Could it be that you secretly want to get him to pay attention to you or hope that he will call you when you don't show up? You don't need to answer here but it is something to honestly think about. As other here have said, the purpose of T is to work on you. While it is nice to have a T give you undivided attention each session, their goal is to help you work on yourself. He is not going to change now that he is married because he does not have feelings for you in that way. (No T should) I may be wrong but the change is probably coming from within you and your need to accept that he is no longer "available" per se.

As for the office staff, you may not be their favorite person but it is nothing personal against you. (I have also worked in the service field for many years.) There job is to make appointments, take payments, and work with insurance. They don't think of you (or any of the clients) as a friend or an enemy, but they may get annoyed if you repeatedly make their job difficult. For example, emailing frequently to cancel appointments, then emailing to ask for the appointments back, Emailing to get in sooner, then emailing again because they did not respond fast enough, etc. I know you said your T has told them not to cancel your appointments any more but you have been doing this for quire awhile and it is a pattern with you. To by honest, I'm sure they have a lot of other clients asking for sessions and those clients would love to take your timeslot if the staff gave it to them. You are lucky that you have always seemed to get your appointments back before your T told them to stop cancelling. While I am sure they don't hate you, I" sure your requests do/did not make their job any easier. It would be one thing if you cancelled and stayed cancelled, but cancelling and repeatedly changing you mind can get old.

Please try to take a long hard look at why you want to be in therapy. If the answer is that you want to fell better and improve yourself, make a commitment to keep your appointments regardless of how you are feeling each week. Therapy is a lot of hard work and we would all like it to be, it is not necessarily meant to be fun. Personally, I find therapy to be torture. Trauma work is no fun and EMDR is even worse but if I want to get better, I have to put in the work. My T is only there to guide me and help me through it. I wish the best for you Hope. I think you have made improvements this year but there will be a long road of baby steps ahead. Hugs and good luck to you.