ho i am sorry for you!

i donno what ot say for real help since i am not a therapist..but i feel you. Hang in there and HOLD ON

"Hold on be strong
So right so wrong
With all of my senses
With all of my defences
Hold on, Be strong..."

I think that if you DO clentch to this life and try to get help this already shows that you have enought courage to deal. I see you need help..i don`t know...you tried evryhting like online therapist? Or like...any kind of..well i don`t know i guess you have tried whatever i saw her elaso sited about it..when you have the depression forum there are "no suisidal post" thing and they have a link under it...have you tried it?

I am sorru i odn`t know a lot of such stuff right now...but since tpoday right now you cannot get this help and i agree with you that you SHOULD have to! ..and in the emergency? isn`t there a part a section for mental issues?

i hope you will find this help soon. by now i guess you will just go throught it. But you are strong for doing it and for holding on till now
so take it as my compliment for you and something to know about yourslef - you are strong!

and you will find the help you need and will be okay
believe it