hi there.

this may seem like a silly question to you and apologies if it does. have you thought that perhaps the reason you feel this way...not wanting to get better, wanting to be alone etc...is because your meds aren't working? maybe they need to be increased or maybe changed to something else?

also, i don't know if you are seeing a therapist or not? if you are maybe the frequency of appointments needs to be reviewed? if you're not then maybe you need to think about seeing one for your own benefit?

it seems to me you've got a lot of bad stuff going on at the moment...and your mum to care for on top...but you also need to think about your own care too!

and as for ranting...you should NEVER apologise for that...you know that's what we're here for...and you also know how bad it is for you to keep it all inside, yes?

please rant some more if you feel the need to...i for one will read and respond to it all.

hoping you find the strength to get the help you need for YOU soon.