Every year I hate the thought of “not having family” at the holidays. I put those in quotes because I DO have family.. but they are toxic... narcissists... manipulators... etc. for the most part i ignore them because of how emotionally and verbally abusive they can be. I see tv and posts from friends online and theyre all enjoying themselves and all I want is that too... but do I text or call my family or show up at dinner just to feel that “completeness “ for a day?.... at what cost??.... they tend to guilt trip me.. make me feel worthless, play mind games..make me feel bad for not contacting them or seeing them... yet they have damaged me in many ways over the yrs and dont seem to care.... I’ve only heard from one family member today... many will say communication goes both ways or that I’m always welcome to stop by or call... however no one bothers to communicate with me or see me... why do I have to constantly crawl on hands and knees looking for attention from people who dont care about others... it’s like they build themselves up and make me look bad but im the one suffering.....