I guess i am back up to 100% now because i went to Scrabble last night for the first time since August. Just felt like it. When i am well enough for Scrabble, that means i'm well. At last. I did super well, had a great night games-wise, one of my best ever. Was a bit disappointed that the socializing wasn't more fun. Two of the younger guys complimented my hair (lavender, diagonally-cut). One said it was "cool" and he's an artist and expert player who i so admire.

Have managed to stay off the junk food yesterday and today but made some unwise choices this morning and have been doing the bathroom dash ever since. So feeling pretty discouraged now.

I noted that my Overeaters Anonymous (OA) book talks about compulsive overeaters being black-and-white thinkers. "We were frenetically busy then exhausted and unable to act. We were wildly excited then deeply depressed. If we couldn't have it all we didn't want any. If we weren't the best, we didn't want to participate." That last sentence got me to Scrabble last night. I just feel that they are describing bipolar to a T.

But the thing that has struck me most is the description of compulsive overeating as a "spiritual problem." This is what i have always felt that i have never been able to put my finger on. It's not about calories or grams of protein. That's what's so frustrating about dieting advice, why i just want to wring the neck of anyone who gives me dieting advice. It's a spiritual problem. I'm working on defining my Higher Power and surprisingly (pleasantly) having some success, making progress. My favorite author says just to "hang in" with Twelve Step and it appears i am taking his advice.