I have been there - suffering so much that the thought of living even one more hour seemed more than I could bear. Then I thought of a few people I know who depend on me right now to help them get through their day and I knew that I could harm them in such a way. If I can help them then I just have to endure the suffering. My main goal in life is to never cause harm and I have done the best I can to maintain that goal in the forefront of my mind. My best friend, I call her my sister, has her husband possibly dying of cancer. They are in this country now (they live in Central America) and I am her lifeline. She also suffers from depression and anxiety and if I were not here to call her every night I am not certain she could keep going emotionally. I made a conscious choice to say NO to suicide, as much as I wanted to be free of life. Since I made that choice I have started to feel better (maybe it is the Lexapro, the yoga, the meditation, the nightly talks with my friend and my T) but I am feeling and doing better. It can get better - I know - I have been there. I was within a hair's breath of killing myself when my T spent an hour and a half talking to me, challenging me to live for myself and for my friend and others - that if I did not make the choice I would not survive. I am a better person for having gone through the suffering. I may go "down in the well" again in the future, I don't know what the future will bring. But, for now, I am alive.