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alexandra_k said:
er... just wondering... has anyone considered borderline personality / rapid cycling bi-polar? just wondering because the distress seems to be intense emotion rather than a flattening / loss of them.

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Yes. Which is a HUGE reason why I've been trying to find a doctor who actually knows something about mental health before I get meds again. I might be Bipolar II. I don't fit the classic Bipolar I symptoms, but I do have a lot of stuff that could either be Bipolar II or Borderline. The impulsiveness. The mood swings. Binging. Sometimes I just get really irritable and angry at the littlest thing. But I never really get the 'happy' side of Bipolar. Just extremes - like one minute, I want to reach in the phone and kill the receptionist who won't give me an appointment....then I'm crying and nearly suicidal the moment I hang up the phone.

And yes, my moods change within the minute or the hour. Not weeks or even days. At one point I thought it was maybe partly hormonal, but it doesn't always seem to follow that kind of cycle.

But I've never had an official diagnosis, that I know of. Except postpartum depression, which is what they all assumed I had 2 years ago. None of them listened to me when I explained some really irrational and impulsive behavior, that at the time, I didn't know was relevant (but now I do). They all just assumed that any woman who walks in feeling depressed and happens to have a 6 month old child, well of course its postpartum! They didn't even really get my history. Not a single one of them ever mentioned bipolar to me. And back then...I went to 3 therapists for at least a month each...plus nearly a dozen others. (long story there too)

But that's just it. If I wait a month or two to get in somewhere...by then, who knows what I'll be like. I could be crazy and impulsive, I could be nearly suicidal, I could just be numb. Or I could magically be over it all and think I don't need help anymore and I'm just wasting their time.

If I can just make it thru this weekend...maybe I'll be okay. Heck, if I can make it to the 19th...i'm taking some weekend classes in another bigger city. I've been in contact with a therapist up there who might be able to see me on Saturday afternoons. That is, of course, if I make it to the 15th without completely self-destructing...