i can't figure me out any more...and right now i don't have the energy to even try. i was over the moon today coz i had the best day ever with my kids. now...don't matter why...i just feel like giving up. i feel so empty inside yet it's not like i don't have ppl who care about me, i know i do.

one friend today "made my day" four times...and that's just one friend. gotta own though it's a 2 way street with him...he does things he knows will lift me just because he can...and i do things i know will lift him just because i can.

yet a large number of friends are driving me nuts atm...grrrrr....by expecting me to be their 24/7 agony aunt...and their not the sort of friends to ever be there in return, not the kind to so much as give you a please or a thank you...but i won't turn my back on them coz i don't give to receive and they've got problems and somebody has to help them. but it's starting to drain me...big time. i just feel SO tired all the time, just wanna find a cave to crawl into and hide, make the world go away.

and how selfish is that to complain that friends are draining me?

i guess i'm just trying to figure how i can have such a fantastic day with my kids and friends, feel so over the moon, then suddenly just come crashing down to the point where i feel so darned empty!

dang, anybody ever just wanna give up? ever wonder what's the point? ever think you've used up all your chips and this is as good as it's ever gonna get again?

dunno...just rabbiting on now....

apologies for being a human emotional rollercoaster....geez stop the train i wanna get off!