As I mentioned in this last post "Hot mess seeking therapist", I downloaded the list of therapists who take my health insurance plan from my health insurance carrier's website and only 5 therapists came up within 10 miles of my house! Only 2 have called back telling me they aren't taking current patients. I just want to cry! I need somebody to talk to so badly. My anxiety is so bad. My mind is constantly racing, I'm short of breath and I can't focus on anything. I can't even read a book - my mind is just spinning. Right now, at this moment, I'm a mess. I took a klonopin so I'm starting to calm down (how is that medicine so magical?). I don't feel hypomanic or that my mind is racing cause new ideas are flooding my brain but it's constant worry. I've been drinking a lot more since my stress/anxiety levels have gone up over the past several months. This weekend I plan to stay in my house and I have zero alcohol in the house. I'm going to see how well I can manage my stress without resorting to wine or beer.
My boss just unloaded a huge new project on me due next Friday on top of my regular reports and another project that I took over from another analyst. I'm worried how I'm going to go about approaching the new project, as well as how long this on-going project is going take of my time that I took over. Anyhow, too much boring detail. In a nutshell, I'm feeling overwhelmed.
Right now, to try to lessen my anxiety, I made some calming tea, turned on some music and I'm writing this post to get my thoughts out (In addition to taking the klonopin). I'm sure like all of you, just talking or writing a post on this forum helps a lot and receiving the support of others.
The guy I'm dating went out of town this weekend so I don't have him to hang out with, I'm sure my friends are out of town, and I can't spend any money cause I'm f*cking broke (and very worried about finances) so I can't go out to a movie or buy Christmas stuff and other stuff I don't need at the dollar tree.
Trying to think of things to distract my mind that I'm in the mood for which is nothing
Thank you for listening