After two people backed out of inviting me over for Thanksgiving, I called my sister to see if she was going to invite our mother over to her house (our mother is now in a nursing home). She said, yes, she was. She didn't outright invite me to her house for Thanksgiving. So, I put the olive branch out there, offering to pick up our mother from the nursing home, and take her to my sister's house. My sister actually appreciated the olive branch so that was her way of indirectly letting me come over for Thanksgiving.


My mother and I were only there for 2 hours and then our mother was tired so I drove her back to her nursing home. While at my sisters, my nephew shared the news that my brother took my sister and her children to FL for a 3-day birthday celebration for one of his son's, and as a thank you to my sister for her part in helping our mother transition into a nursing home (whole back story to that fyi).


So, here's where my sister gaslighted me yet again...so annoying.


Tonight, I called her to ask what Christmas gift would my autistic nephew (her son) like? That lead to me commenting on how nice it was that our brother took my sister and her children to FL.


Where the gaslighting happened, was when my sister commented, "I almost didn't want to tell you because I knew if I did, you'd make it about yourself. I don't want to get involved in the feud between you and our brother."


Yet, the irony is SHE IS INVOLVED. SHE WENT TO FL WITH HIM. She is clearly very much part of the triangulation (she and our brother team up against me, the loser sister). She said it to deflect her guilt (I think) over going to FL without including me. Better (in her mind) to insult me, to take the guilt off of herself (I think). I mean, what the hell!


My brother and I have been estranged for years. And, my sister KNEW about his plans to cut me off, before I did. And I found out when I called him to ask him why he didn't invite me over for Easter dinner (my niece told me) and that's when he told me he wanted nothing to do with me. So, my sister was very much an active participant in the triangulation between the three of us siblings. Very much.


She's always hung out with our brother b/c they both have children, and she's refused to include me in her children's after-school lives (sports, concerts, birthdays after they reached elementary school age).


So, when my sister made that nasty gaslighting comment, I knew exactly why she was saying it. It still hurt my feelings that she won't accept me for who I am. Gaslighters are people who need you to stay the same; you are not allowed to evolve, be successful or happy, or have vulnerabilities or weaknesses.


You are not allowed to be different, because then they can't emotionally manipulate you and control the way you feel about yourself (in their warped mind). I've been listening to a podcast where gaslighters like my sister are referred to "hijackals" because they hijack your sense of self, with their emotional and verbal abuse and manipulation.


I'm angry at my sister for acting this way with me, because it's so immature. I don't care that our brother took her to FL. Do I feel left out? Yes, but that's normal. I will always feel left out. It hurts to be shunned by your own family members.


I have memories of when I lived in another city and was successful and my sister and her husband came to visit. And instead of saying positive things to me about where I lived and worked and everything, all my sister did was criticize and judge and mock me. So, this has been our sibling dynamic since we were little. I don't know why it developed that way between us but that's just the way it did.


I'm just so irritated that my sister would deflect and accuse me of making it about me, when I asked her about why our brother took her to FL. Like, get over yourself already. I know if I ever had the money and offered to take her and her children on a 3-day vacation she'd make up an excuse not to go.


And, no, I don't want to cut off contact with her 3 children because they love me and I love them. And I'm already kept at a distance by my sister who won't invite me to go to their sporting events or concerts, so I was lucky to see them last night for Thanksgiving for 2 hours which was nice. I have no idea what they really think about me, and I probably never will.