Thank you so much my friend...I am so happy that you understood my pain, that I expressed it well enough that people can understand the extent of what this fear does to me. Your compassionate response touched my heart...I do have a counselor that I see about every 2 weeks. He is wonderful and this would be something important to talk about and get help with, but my PsychPA and I are focusing on what I am most in need of, even more than this, and that is to keep my relationships with those I love, and even with people in the world that I have to interact with, from deteriorating by my behavior. (Which is the Bipolar. She diagnosed me with Severe Bipolar Disorder and explained to me that at the far end of the spectrum(where I am) you can get things like paranoia, which is my #1 priority to get under control right now. Being paranoid that people are deliberately hurtful and uncaring towards me makes me respond with everything from coldness and harshness to blowouts of my rage exploding verbally. (And people really care about me, and I know this when I am thinking clearly.) So I have to put on the backburner the kind of things I described in that post because right now my PsychPA is trying to get my moods stabalized. She does plan on getting me back on Luvox for OCD symptoms after my mood is stabalized, thank goodness! (I was on it for many years but got off all my meds for the past 4 years approx. until I deteriorated and went back for help in August.) Right now I'm on Lamictal (which has helped my despair that I could not continue for one single more day), but hasn't helped me with the paranoia and the behavior resulting from that. She has me on Abilify, but it isn't helping, so this week when I see her we're planning on switching to Lithium probably. I am so sorry this is so long!!!