Well, today I did something that I rarely do because I'm too fearful to do it. I stood up for myself in a disagreement! I did get what I wanted(a.k.a. "my way"), and I believe it was a simple, just, and clear matter to decide upon. Anyway, things smoothed out after that and things were peaceful again. And I was pleased, "The new me!" I'm thinking! The new me that states her case clearly and simply, not simpering in deference, bowing and scraping, just the facts ma'am. I was proud of myself but...then I started getting paranoid thinking surely there must be plotting against me now! This show of normalcy is just an act while my ruin is planned! (That's a dramatic take on my thoughts, but that's the gist of it.) So much for being healed just by standing up for myself once! It's deeper than that. There's paranoia there too. ***Sigh*** Oh well, I'll need a few more hours, maybe a whole day, to check that nothing is really going on behind my back, and if I find out that I was being paranoid, then good! That means that standing up for myself was the right thing to do and all is well. Why is it hard for me to believe that standing up for myself won't be the end of the world?!? I'm scared and am tempted to go back on what I asked for just so my mind can be at peace and not worry about this anymore, but maybe that kind of behavior is what got me into this mess in the first place! I don't know, but I believe that I should not turn back, but go forward. I heard it said once, "The only way out is through!" Onward soldiers!
*Please read the post after this one for the full story. Thank you!