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Hi,
I don't even know where exactly to post this.
My mother, 70 years old, is - I'm pretty sure - depressed but in denial refusing treatment. She doesn't get out of the bed, in the dark, barely eats, and (my mistake, I mentioned this symptom*) says she thought about a form of suicide, but she then thought she would be all over the news so gave up...she says she's 70 y.o. she'll die soon, nothing left here for her.
I told her that's the depression talking: there is a lot of life to live and things always change, that defeating thought is a symptom of depression , she needs to take specific medication to change her perspective on things, redesign her "self" and ignore my father for a while.
She says I'm full of BS philosophy, and my sister reinforces this too.
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The long story:
She's retired, before she was unemployed; they have been struggling financially for decades (worse since the crisis - europe).
So for a long time she's been home alone and became depressed.
For the last 5-7 years she's been faking/exaggerating illnesses. She always played this game from time to time, but lately it was getting to a point of insanity: every day she had a illness or pain and couldn't leave the bed, though all the exams showed she was fine.
Not being able to keep that story, depression finally kicked in hard and expressed verbally.
She started ruminating about her past, her marriage, her decisions, and resenting everything my father did to her over the last 40 years.
Apparently he cheated on her many times until a few years ago (I think he still does), goes online for dating or porn (not sure if he meets them) and he always treated her like crap - he works hard, true, does everything for us, true, but assumes women are maids, secretaries, wives and mothers...he's bossy, yells, and calls her names when he's angry at her. But for the rest, is a good man. Honest, hardworking, easygoing, funny and likes to have the family together (ironically).
She has been there for him for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer (but so did he), in sickness and health, raising us basically alone while being his and our maid and never cheated on him. She took a lot of crap, it's true. Even when she was sick. His mother was also a b* to her. She's absolutely right about her feelings.
BUT, she also had many many good years with him and this is really the mix of depression + her martyr personality + real painful events
She's magnifying the bad times and ignoring that for most of the time she had fun, family, friends, they went out, on vacations, etc. And they were fine. They used to talk a lot. This is a recent feeling that she now extends for 40 years and happened after being stuck at home alone with no money.
Anyway, she can't and doesn't want to divorce him, but he doesn't admit it, calls her crazy and stupid for "imagining" things and doesn't apologize for cheating and treating her like a ****** maid for more than 40 years. He could. he could simply be honest and humble and do it (I'll try to talk to him alone)...
But it won't change anything, because she's depressed. She won't feel better.
I'm insisting she needs to ask her doctor to prescribe her specific medication, because the idea of a deadline and nothing ever will be better is typical depression thinking and medication alone changes that.
What else can I do?
I'll talk to my father to make him recognize how *** he was, even if this is a mental breakdown.
I'll keep insisting with her to go see her doctor...but she'll keep refusing.
I'll wait for a crisis to call an ambulance? (she says if I call them, she'll kick me and them...I know they can take care of it).
I'll be out of here in a few months...(now I'm almost regretting leaving. My bf is way worse than my father was to her and if I was thinking twice before moving in with him, now I'm thinking 1000x)
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