Hi MarcusAurelius. I agree with you that this thread belongs here.

Your question is a really tough one. I think there are potentially many factors in what you are feeling, and of course I can't be sure exactly what they are for you. I can only speculate about some that I, personally, have. In my case, stigma is not a major issue, but is not a non issue either. My main ones are likely:

* My bipolar (and perhaps personality) pushing people away or repulsing others. Yes, this would seem all my "fault", but many are not so tolerant or forgiving in this world. Also, some things that anger or intimidate others are born from others' issues, not mine. No matter what, I often have a glass wall formed around me. It takes a while for me to trust. Even that fact is a barrier. Other times I am too expansive. That has its negatives, too.

* Desire to isolate because of my illness symptoms. This is a huge topic, too. Being overwhelmed by life, at times, is a big part of it. Inability to meet others' and even my own expectations for myself. The latter can be the worst.

I have different issues with females than males. My trust issues are primarily with female relationships. I do much better online than in-person.

Being in my late 40s, it sometimes does seem too late to learn how to make major changes of certain sorts. Like you, I still yearn for some anyway.

I'll just leave it there. I've had trouble expressing myself adequately, lately.