Sorry to hear you are feeling so low Marc. I know from our recent exchanges that you are not always this way. Could it be your job getting you down? It's hard to work full-time with bipolar and you are just starting a new job. I hope you'll take it easy on yourself and give yourself time to adjust. When we transform our lives we must expect to be uncomfortable again and again. It's a great thing you are doing, starting over with a new job. I really admire you for it! Far beyond what i could do!

I also feel the annoyance, irritation, frustration, dis-satisfaction and unhappiness. I think the French word ennui captures it all. It's hard to be putting a lot of energy out and getting so little back. I don't know what to do about it. I usually just start limiting the energy i put out so i'm not so bitter but with you working full-time that's not an option. I'm on disability benefits. I just find it so helpful to be able to adjust my lifestyle to whatever mood i am in without jeopardizing my income.

Your question: Isolation and is it necessarily a feature of bipolar beyond stigma. Yes, i think so. I find that i can't maintain year-round activities (like friendships) because of my mood swings. When i'm depressed no one wants to know me i am such a downer. When i'm manic everyone wants to know me because i am such a joy to behold. When i'm manic i just look around for the closest person to have fun with and i usually find one. When i'm depressed i just want to be alone and don't miss people.

My IRL support group offers peer-to-peer arrangements where an experienced member makes an agreement to do one social activity a week with a new member for six months. There is a small subsidization for activities. People say it is helpful. Sometimes when people are down they just sit in the car and try and chat. People report that it is quite helpful. Is there anything like this in your area? I did try this sort of thing but it was with a volunteer from the community who was not mentally ill and it was disastrous, so painful. I'm definitely borderline!

Or are you able to accompany your mom on her daily outings for fun?

Anyways, i am certainly right there with you with the ennui. I tried hard to have fun yesterday with little success and felt bitter for putting all that energy out there and getting so little back. In a way tho, i am glad i went to the art studio even if all i did for the second hour was sit quietly and look around at others. I love to people-watch. I'm a real ogler! I even like going to the mall and sitting on a comfy bench outside a nice hair salon / barbershop and watch the haircuts and the drama of the staff. The hairdressers all dress quite sexy, i'm sure to maximize tips and the talk is bawdy and the language blue. I take my favorite pop and wander around in the warmth with the smooth footing and poke around. It's a great low-stress activity which helps my loneliness and i don't have to talk to anyone.

So, for me, isolation is a feature of my bipolar but one i cope with fairly well. It gets easier as you get older, Marc. You're not yet 30 and the drive in you to socialize and find a mate is still strong. Any support groups near you? I found that was a great way to make friends when i was your age. I had some high times with people i met in support groups!