I’m not sure how I feel, and that’s what I hate the most about the human condition – no matter how self-aware I am, I always find myself in some crazy mix of emotions where I can begin to describe what it is I feel.

I almost always feel the same way. I do believe the feeling has to do with BD. Bipolars have stronger, more intense feelings/moods/emotions. For me, they are jumbled up in my mind and by the time I choose one, another has popped up.

I do luckily, have a predominant emotion of annoyance and distrust. For the record, nothing has happened to trigger these emotions (that I am aware of), but they are ones I am struggling with right now. What is it I’m expecting from this life? Because I am unhappy, not satisfied, and what I need is unattainable. I promise to make sense soon.

I don’t trust people. I don’t have a want to trust people. I don’t have a want to deal with people, or their drama, or their issues, or be bound to them.

I'm nearly positive that I know how you feel.

However, I am tired of being alone, but too fed up with others to fix that. It’s a conundrum. It’s like one step forward and three giant leaps back every time.

A conundrum, absolutely. A no-win situation.

I’m doing everything right – I take my meds, I listen to my therapist, I do the best I can – but it just isn’t working. I don’t know how to fix personality flaws. Some may see this as something that just comes with being bipolar, or some other co-morbid condition... but I am not so sure. Maybe this is just who I am?

I struggle with this constantly...is this part of the illness, or is it just the way I am? Do I even have an illness...maybe I'm just made this way and mental health professionals think I have a disorder, but I really don't. Maybe I'm making it all up.

Those thoughts occupy my mind until I'm exhausted.

The feelings have own grown more intense with time. So although I have a want to be more active and social, I’m too fed up with people to even begin to try.


*raises hand*

Does anyone else feel this way? How do you combat the feelings? I know I can’t isolate myself forever or expect to live in a world where interaction is so limited. Just curious your thoughts and feelings. I have irritation and frustration. Its not fear, or sadness that drives these feelings– it’s annoyance.

So, in an effort to make this relatable and at least partially viable for this forum – let me pose my question his way: Do you think being bipolar increases isolation for any given reason, besides stigma alone?

Yes, I do think so. I believe that BD makes walls around us that cause the feelings of isolation and of not truly connecting with other people. For me, I'm anxious around other people because I feel I have to hide my genuine self and be a one-dimensional person, meaning I must not show any intense feelings. If I do the person(s) will be afraid of me, or not like me, or regret being with me. It's so draining, it's easier not to socialize in the first place. But I remain isolated to an extreme.

And to those powers that be that are reading this, I ask you to not move this thread. I posted here in the bipolar forum because it’s the community in which I relate and in which I suffer. I would appreciate it if my selection of thread were to be honored.