I'm sorry you have been feeling so awful, and I am glad you are still here. I think you need to take these feelings very seriously because denying/minimizing/rationalizing your feelings (e.g., telling yourself "the past is past") is part of the vicious cycle of depression, so it is likely to make you feel worse in the long run. I hope your T will take your feelings seriously and help you deal with them because I definitely think you deserve emotional support.