As my NYC anniversary approaches, I've been reflecting a lot about my life here. I've been thinking a lot about how most of the time I feel like an outsider, like there's a veil that separates me from my surroundings, like all of this is just a really long, foggy dream.

Suddenly, I remembered the term "dissociation" that came across last year when I was in therapy for Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I finished my treatment in January and I haven't had any panic attacks since then, but this feeling of not-quite-feeling-like-my-life-is-real has been there almost daily.

I dug up some info and I feel like I can relate to some of the symptoms for some kind of dissociative disorder. I also took a test online and my score was slightly above the minimum for a possible dissociative disorder.

Here's the thing: when I go back home (in the Caribbean), everything goes away. I feel like I belong again, and everything feels so real: the sand between my toes, the sun against my skin, the sounds of insects singing in my backyard, my family's embrace, the light that floods my room, the breeze in the morning... I just wanna soak it all in before I leave. Then I come back to NYC, and everything feels unreal all over again.

Has anybody felt the same way? I don't quite feel like I have a disorder,... maybe it's just my body doing this as a coping mechanism to the fact that I can't move back home yet. But I'm not opposed to the possibility that I might have to go to therapy again if I need to (I actually loved my therapy process).

Anyway, just sharing my experience in the hopes I can understand better my feelings and what's happening to me.

Cheers